Friday, November 16, 2012

Baby's Got (Me) Back

If you had begun to read my blog again at the beginning of September, after all sorts of promises by me to write more often, and wondered why I abruptly stopped, there is a reason to my mysterious absence (and it's not laziness). Shortly after my last post I took a pregnancy test. Not because I actually thought I may be pregnant, but quite honestly because I wanted to know if I could drink that fabulous Oregon wine I kept hearing about without guilt on an upcoming trip to Portland at the end of September. You know, just in case. Because I'm responsible like that.

One test turned into twelve over the next five days. Starting with the more expensive 3-pack of Clearblue Easy and quickly switching to the generic brand and all the way to a stack full of dollar store versions, I was on a mission. There was a very, very light second line that kept appearing days before nature was supposed to tell me about this blessed event, and there was no way possible it could mean what I hoped. Text messaged photos to my sister and dear friend Lizzie (both experienced in this department) of these possible signals of new life were like a NY stock exchange ticker. It's kind of gross when you think about it. Yes, there's my urine. It wasn't a surprise since this is what Michael and I had been planning for, but it was denial in the best sense. Just really didn't think it would happen as quickly as it did. I mean, at thirty-five, I'm bordering on the old broad department when it comes to the reproduction world. A blood test and phone call from my doctor confirmed it a few days later that I was very early on, but definitely had a little one on the way.

From the moment I took the test, there has been a domino effect of the need to have confirmation at every step. The blood test was a yes: okay, this is happening. My first ultrasound, which I had to wait a month before having: relief, there's really a baby in there (even though I can't feel anything yet). The exhaustion beyond any kind of tiredness I've ever experienced: the kid is growing. And now, lots of waiting. Next week an appointment with my Perinatologist where I'll have more blood work, genetic tests and another scan. I just want that scan to see how Porkchop is doing. Oh, Porkchop. Yes, you'll be hearing that name frequently now. 

At this stage there's not much to go on for a woman who has little symptoms. The process, besides the sleepiness, has actually been pretty easy. But that's not always relief. For someone who has a little worry wart in her blood, the lack of typical signposts is unnverving. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful to feel as relatively great as I do, but because most of the women I know have had nausea or worse, it's not comforting to just be guessing that Porkchop is developing. I'm truly sorry for my friends who've had to experience the non-fun bits of pregnancy. Since day one I have been wishing for a nice, healthy yack just to know that this kid is okay. 

As of today, Porkchop is 12 weeks. Almost out of the first trimester. Of course I will be nervous until I get that next scan, it's only natural. But I'm also just trying to focus on being present and feeling good while my body is still a manageable size.

Ah, enough of this for now. Just wanted to share the fun news and put you on alert that there will be more posts again soon and the silence is over. Because, as my sister says I am, "an open book", I had decided, before we had announced to the world, that it would be impossible to write anything of significance without blurting the news. So, now you know. More thoughts about this new adventure coming soon...

And, for the record, every post will not just be about pregnancy, birth and my child. This is obviously a life-changing event, but there's still (and always will be) much going on in every aspect of my life. Porkchop will now just be coming along for the wild ride!